‘Commit to Win — — How to Harness the Four Elements of Commitment to Reach Your Goals’ (V)
This week, we’ll continue with ‘Commit to Win — — How to Harness the Four Elements of Commitment to Reach Your Goals’ by Heidi Reeder
Troubles: What’s Holding you Back?
1. In order for us to be happy with a commitment, our treasures can’t be equal to our troubles. They must outweigh troubles.
2. It’s not the actual number of positive or negative remarks that matters; it’s the ratio of positive to negative that counts. Couples who have high levels of negative expression can survive as long as they balance it with five times as much positive expression.
3. It’s essential to fill our committed relationships with many expressions of love, support, and encouragement to balance inevitable times of disagreement and hurt feelings. Every positive action counts, including small things like a touch on the arm, a casual compliment, or bringing home a little surprise. Day-to-day interactions, and not grand gestures, seem to matter most.
4.One small thing you can do at the start of the day or the beginning of the project is get into an optimistic frame of mind. A positive baseline mood gives you a bit of a buffer against the inevitable hardships, and a greater appreciation for the things you treasure.
5. We sometimes think that if someone is voicing his dissatisfaction, it means he’s not committed. But the research reveals a different story. When people speak up, they are attempting to do something about the troubles that threaten their satisfaction and commitment. That’s a good sign. When commitment is low, they’re more likely to remain quiet and use the next two strategies — — neglect and exit.
6. Conflict subsides when we use a problem-solving communication style that integrates the needs of both parties. Before speaking up, it’s helpful to become clear about your own goals and the goals of others, and then communicate in a way that takes both into consideration.
7. In stable marriages husbands and wives are not overly troubled by their differences. They accept ongoing challenges as part of the relationship and may even see the humour in them. These couples understand that difficulties will always be there. They acknowledge the issue is there, but try not to let it bother them too much.
8. Grit (堅毅) is a behaviour or personal trait that is particularly powerful when your commitment involves a long-term goal, like getting a degree, starting a company, or mastering a sport.
合力延續這--- 藝術的故事
