‘Things No one Taught us about Love’ (VIII)
This week, the last part of ‘Things No one Taught us about Love’ by Vex King is presented.
72. Don’t expect someone else to be your source of happiness. Don’t expect to live a fairy tale once you find someone to journey with.
73. If you are considering the idea of marriage, do it because you see a future with someone, not because you’re alone, unhappy, feeling left out or pressured by parents. A marriage often amplifies internal conflicts. So pick your life partner carefully.
Letting go with grace:
74. When your relationship is based on non-attachment:
a) Your focus is on giving love, rather than getting validation.
b) Your attitude towards your partner is accepting and allowing, rather than controlling or possessing.
c) The communication between you is honest and understanding, rather than blaming or manipulating.
d) You see your partner as an independent subject, not an object to claim ownership of.
75. Nowadays, we expect one person to give us everything we need. It’s impossible for anyone to meet all of our needs, and we can’t load them onto one individual.
76. It’s a lot healthier to have outlets with other people who can give you what you want, be that friends, family or colleagues. Then relationship with your partner is more durable and rewarding.
77. Loving without attachment:
a) Keep interest alive by embracing who your partner is now versus who they were when you first met.
b) Reject co-dependence. Keep nurturing individual friendships, hobbies and dreams outside the relationship.
c) Request support without requiring partners to always deliver solutions.
d) Love them, not what they do. Value who they are beneath their roles, behaviours and actions.
78. Unconditional love persists, but its healthiest expressions involve reciprocal nourishment rather than one-sided damage.
79. If you feel harmed by someone and they aren’t willing to repair that damage, you need to draw a line.
80. When they’re no longer right for you, it’ll feel wrong most of the time. Your spirit shrinks, your sparkle dulls and you find yourself faking a smile.
青玉案．元夕
from a book ‘第一屆花甲顯才華’ published by 百樂施教育基金會
Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/jenniferlawsonartist/8387348718/in/album-72157604872470564
